I am slightly confused. Perhaps I should start from the beginning.
Okay, I have mentioned before that I want to use my gifts and abilities that God has given me to serve Him! What Christian does not?
So, how do I use my gifts for God? What will it look like in my life? Acting and Music are two things that God has gifted me in and I am greatly interested in pursuing.
At a time, I felt that God was definitely, no question about it, leading me to Albany, Georgia. I will take a far-fetched assumption that you are familiar with it! The home of Sherwood Baptist Church creators of Flywheel, Facing The Giants, Fireproof and Courageous ( In the making's now)!!! The very first time I saw Facing the Giants, I was so inspired and dreamed of going there to participating in the ministry. I never could shake off that feeling that it was a wonderful way to shine for Jesus. Then came Fireproof. And with it, after seeing all the lives changed by a church's film, came the impression that God surely had that in my future. I began to pray fervently about it, seeking the Lord's guidance on how to proceed.
For months, I thought and prayed, and thought and prayed. But to no avail. Then one day, I wondered: "Did God really tell me to go to Georgia?", "Is this all my will or God's will?", "God is not opening any doors so far, should I just wait?" (I've never been so good at the whole virtue of patience!), "Am I walking by sight or by faith?"
With no answers to my questions, and ultimately seeking to please the Lord in whatever I do, I surrendered my dreams of Albany Georgia and Sherwood Baptist Church. I cried out to the Lord and said, "If I never serve you through acting, I will still love you...My goal is to serve you. Whatever you have for my future is the only thing I want...Anything apart from you is the last thing that I want. But if acting is not what you want for me, please give me something!"
Similar has been my experience with Music. I love to sing. This past summer, we found a voice teacher and I was just meditating today on how my voice has improved by leaps and bounds since I started. God has blessed me with many musical talents, that I would love to use for Him. With voice lessons, came more thoughts and Goals.
"I would love to cut a CD!", "Even to sing with a worship band would be amazing.", " What an awesome way to serve the Lord", "Is this God's plan for me?", "He brought me a voice teacher. For what?",
This Autumn brought another opportunity my way, I was invited to sing with a teen worship group! Wow! What an opportunity...It certainly seemed God was leading me toward it. Well, a few days ago, the plans took an unexpected turn. Things will now be far different from what they were... Now what does that mean? I felt God was leading me so clearly toward this particular thing.
My voice teacher's church does a huge drama around Easter. It has a wonderful story line and I was very impressed with it. Last week, He invited me to try out for the main role when they hold auditions! It was so amazing...I was so excited because God was, perhaps opening the doors to acting! Really?
Well, today, when I had my voice lesson, I was informed that the church will not be doing the play. What does that mean?
Please don't think I'm pitiful, I'm just confused with what God has planned for me. I suppose I am disappointed also. Every time I feel that God has pointed me in a certain direction, doors inevitably close! It is so hard to exercise patience and, just like Grant Taylor in Facing the Giants, I am telling the Lord: "You're my God. You're on the throne, and your going to have your way, but please, give me something." I just want some guidance from the Lord on what I can do for Him.
God has a wonderful plan for everyone's life including mine, and I'm just a bit impatient to find out what it is. Whatever it is His will is what I want...
Praying for guidance(and patience),
Josh
8 comments:
Praying for you as you find God's plan for your life.
Blessings
Emily~
Josh,
Wow, I feel that same way. I ask God the exact questions, what is your will!? I want to know it because I want to do what is His will and not my own. Often I feel as if some door has opened and the answer has been reveled and yet at other moments I look and it is once again closed. Recently I was praying to Him for a complete answer for this constant confusion within my mind. I have been struggling with this for many weeks now and just can't find an answer and see His clear discernment. There are so many clues and situations which point to this perhaps being His will and then there are other circumstances where I don't see anything of His will. I really can't tell you any voice of encouragement, and I'm pretty sure that this comment is nothing, however, don't feel alone, I feel the same way. You know, it's hard because I WANT to follow His will, and my prayer is the same as your's, show me oh God the direction. Lately I have been reflecting upon Him, surrended everything, all of my wants, desires, dreams, burdens, all at the feet of Christ, and I'm just waiting, I'm waiting on Him. Many times I feel that I know best, however, it is as if the Lord brings me back to His will and calling me to just submit once again. He has also been pointing out my faults, my short comings, and all of the things which are holding me back from Him; it's hard, because I want so much, and I don't deserve all of the things which I have, and He blesses me so much, although there are some things within my life that I want the answer-NOW. But, again it's God's timing, and I have learned that surrendering every bit brings me closer to God, it doesn't answer all of my questions, however I have faith that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I am confused, but just know that confusion is not of God. Stay strong, and just as Jenna encouraged me a few weeks ago, to be faithful in Him and wait for His clear direction. Josh, He'll show you because you were made for a purpose, a reason to glorify God, and if you just lean upon Him and stop understanding His will it will be such a peaceful life. Just wait, I'm still learning that, it's all about patience. You encouraged me BIG time a few weeks ago, the comment which you left was so amazing, that I was so thankful that God brought you and Jenna to my blog. Well, I should stop all of this babbling, it's getting to be a very long comment! God bless you!
You sister in Christ,
Vanessa
Josh,
You know, I was feeling this exact same way not two months ago. You know what I finally figured out? God is not going to lay out his plan in life for us. That totally defeats the purpose in life. Our purpose in life is to trust God and have faith. We just need to walk day by day and trust that God will be there for us and show us what to do. Sure it would be nice to just get the answer and we would know what all we are supposed to do, but I think what we are going to do as a career has very little to do with God's plan for us in life.
Praying for you as you seek Him! This life is an amazing journey!
~Bethany~
Josh,
I will be praying for you! As for the singing i also would love to cut a CD! It has been my dream since i was little! I also have been praying that God would show me the way he wants me to go and what he wants me to do with my voice! At the moment i'm on my churches worship team and have a little band of kids from my church, but i still would really like to have a CD! But that may not be God's plan so i encourage you to trust that God knows best and that you would be able to be patient and serve him while you're waiting!!!!
Praying for you!
Miranda
I'll be praying for you! Just rememder that God has a plan for everyhthing even when we don't understand it! I've been in that place a lot and right know I'm in it again.. with just the simplest things!
Keep giving God the glory!
~Jennifer
Josh, I'm praying for you!
I too feel the same way about where God's leading me. Its confusing and difficult to give up those dreams and say, "Even though I may not be able to do _____ I'll still love you and live my life for you."
I have a love and desire to pursue a music career for Him...but no doors have been opened as of yet. I also take singing lessons and like you, my voice has improved over the years. Its hard because you ask yourself...why would God give me this talent and then..nothing?
But, God's ways are not for us to understand...and its probably better that way. We are here on earth saying "GOD PLEASE LET ME DO THIS!" and He is shaking His head saying..I have this awesome plan for you in My hands! Just wait!
His path will shine through..just be patient and give it all to Him. Because, I find, that when we are at our lowest, God picks us up and gives us something wonderful.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Blessings,
Lexi
Josh, I see such an amazing person in you. That is because I see you allowing your life and your gifts to be fully in our Lord. Saying this I know he will lead you on the correct path. Prayers to you!
Our family is praying for you!
God Bless.
(Hope your family gets well soon)
In Christ Alone,
Kelsey
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